Major League Baseball: American League All-Hottie Team 2014

With the Major League Baseball All-Star break upon us, it’s time for us to reflect on over half a season’s worth of our national pastime.

Of course, most people choose to focus on the players’ on-field accomplishments, and with good reason, but I will leave such analysis to greater minds than mine.

This article is dedicated to celebrating those players who stand out, not merely (or sometimes at all) by their talents, but by their most important of God-given attributes: their looks.

A few disclaimers before we get down to it.  I did not draw exclusively from the actual MLB All-Stars.  I did my best to judge objectively, without taking skills and prowess into account.  Justin Verlander’s awards and money may be enough for him to bag Kate Upton, but his goofy face keeps him far away from this list.  Next, that whole “each team must be represented” rule does not apply here.  Some teams are vastly overrepresented, but that’s just life.  Also, of course this is a completely subjective exercise.  Feel free to argue with me about it on Twitter.

Today, I will focus on the American League, and later this week I will present you with my National League hotties.  So here goes…

Catcher – Francisco Cervelli, New York Yankees

The number of Yankees on this list proves that I am able to overcome deeply held prejudices in the name of hot men.  The Bronx backstop was an easy choice given his chiseled jaw and piercing eyes.  The relative dearth of hot catchers in the AL was another big boost for his case.

Honorable mention: Josh Thole – Toronto Blue Jays

First Base – Chris Davis, Baltimore Orioles

This position proved the hardest to choose from.  There were three certifiably drop dead gorgeous options.  In the end, I just had to go with Davis.  I guess chicks really do dig the long ball.

Honorable mentions: Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins; Eric Hosmer, Kansas City Royals

Second Base – Robinson Cano, Seattle Mariners

From the most difficult of choices, to the easiest.  Call me a homer, I don’t care, I never even really considered anyone else.  Just look at that face — I rest my case.

Honorable mention: Ian Kinsler, Detroit Tigers

Third Base – Brett Lawrie, Toronto Blue Jays

Ok, maybe I could’ve chosen a more flattering picture, but I thought this really captured Lawrie’s essence.  Who doesn’t love a bad boy?  From the tattoos, to receiving suspensions for throwing tantrums, he keeps it hot both on and off the field.

Honorable mentions: Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays; David Freese, Los Angeles Angels; Trevor Plouffe, Minnesota Twins

Shortstop – Xander Bogaerts, Boston Red Sox

At the tender age of 21, Bogaerts represents the future of MLB hotties everywhere.  The Red Sox are hoping he will be their long-term solution at shortstop, and I’m sure the females of Red Sox Nation are rooting for him all the way.

Outfield – Kevin Kiermaier, Tampa Bay Rays

To be perfectly honest, I know almost nothing about this man.  I would have no idea how to value him in terms of either real baseball or fantasy, but I saw him in a game once, and that was enough.

Craig Gentry, Oakland Athletics

Did I include him on this list just as an excuse to use this picture?  I plead the fifth.  Either way, with his handsome face and obvious sense of humor, he was a shoo-in.

Michael Saunders, Seattle Mariners

He’s tall, blonde, and gorgeous.  The man nicknamed “The Condor” is representing well for our Canadian neighbors.

Honorable mention: Mike Aviles, Cleveland Indians

Designated Hitter – Nick Swisher, Cleveland Indians

Yes, it is an extreme reach to categorize Swisher as a hottie.  DHs as a group tend to be on the older, dumpy side of things.  Swisher makes the list as merely the least unappealing of the lot.  But on a side note, the man can pitch pretty well.

Starting Pitchers – Matt Moore, Tampa Bay Rays

Overall, 2014 has not been good to the hottest of American League starting pitchers.  Moore will miss the entire season after undergoing Tommy John surgery in April, but that hasn’t prevented him from a keeping a firm hold on the No. 2 spot in my hottie rotation.

Brandon Morrow, Toronto Blue Jays

My fondness for well-trimmed beards is beginning to show.  Morrow is another hottie having a bit of an unlucky season (well, maybe career).  Fortunately for Canadian ladies, Brandon should be back gracing their televisions sometime in the month of August.  Whether or not that’s a good thing for the Jays remains to be seen.

C.J. Wilson, Los Angeles Angels

This is by no means a controversial pick.  There is a reason the man does shampoo commercials.  The hard part was choosing just one picture.

Taijuan Walker, Seattle Mariners

I chose this picture as a special shout-out to any hetero males who have managed to read this far.  Walker, known to fans as “The Fresh Prince”, is a tatted up hard-throwing badass.  As you can see, he has managed to wheel in an extremely foxy Lingerie Football League quarterback (and daughter of former Redskins great, Mark Rypien).  We can all hope for the sake of the gene pool that they choose to reproduce in mass.

Wei-Yin Chen, Baltimore Orioles

Probably one of the most underrated hotties on this list, Chen does a fine job of representing the large contingent of Asian-born MLB players.

Honorable mention: David Phelps, New York Yankees

Closer – David Robertson, New York Yankees

There are so many Yankees on this list, which is surprising given the reputation that their roster belongs in a museum.  Too bad it doesn’t seem to be helping them in standings.  There was my one cheap shot!  Robertson looks like the cute dad you’d hope to sit next to at your kid’s Little League game, belying his absolute filthiness as a closer.

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