Bowel movements are my favorite form of comedy. I will send a Snap Chat 100% of the time while I take a poop. Anytime, any place, any dump.
Sometimes I will pan from my pants all the way up to my distressed face, or maybe a photo of the guy’s shoes in the stall next to me. Maybe this week it’ll be a snap of my actual poop with a “Have a good day” message included.
Everyone knows exactly what happens behind those closed stall doors, but no one likes to talk about it. While I don’t insist on videotaping my wife’s thunder dump, it’s still funny to giggle about. Some couples will go their entire relationship without a poop joke. How sad.
Fantasy just got a whole lot better thanks to Monkey Knife Fight. With fast-paced games like Rapid Fire and Either/Or, it’s never been easier to play fantasy and win. New to MKF? Get Exclusive $100 Deposit Match + Free $5 Game
Where is this introduction going? Not sure, again. Introductions are my creative outlet before hitting readers with the fantasy advice. Thanks for sticking with it. I guess I could transition from thunder dumps to Nick Foles shitting on Oakland last Sunday. Enjoy Foles, and the rest of the week 10 waiver wire targets.
Nick Foles, Philadelphia
The man was unstoppable on Sunday against the lowly Oakland secondary. Foles completed 22-of-28 passes, went for 7 TDs. The man now boasts a 13:0 TD to INT ratio. The reports that he was concussed early in the Dallas game start to make sense now that he has dominated in every other game this year. He’s a great streaming and DFS option too.
Rashad Jennings, Oakland
Darren McFadden is hurt and your neighbor’s wife is still banging the mail man. They like to run in Oakland, and he attracts a lot of targets through the air as well. Jennings went for 102 yards on 15 carries and a touchdown after McFadden went down in the second quarter. He’s got the Giants up next.
Ben Tate, Houston
Now is the time of year where stockpiling high upside backups could pay off huge down the stretch. Tate is one of those guys. Foster is still sidelined with back injury. Full work load for our boy Tate, even with some cracked ribs… grab him.
Fake Pigskin Exclusive: Join Monkey Knife Fight and Get an Instant 100% Deposit Match PLUS a Free $5 Game!
Shonn Greene, Tennessee
I hate adding him to this article just as much as you hate reading his name. However, he is getting goal line touches, and he is producing in Tennessee…for now. Sunday, he had 10 touches, 66 yards, and a TD. Greene has a generous matchup with Jacksonville next week too.
Riley Cooper, Philadelphia
As long as Foles is slinging it, Cooper will be catching it. Cooper’s day went to the tune of five catches on seven targets, 139 yards, and three touchdowns. Side note: Cooper is welcoming this Richie Incognito stuff with open arms. His little fiasco is a just a small blip on the hateful radar now.
Aaron Dobson, New England
Brady likes his new every down X receiver. 5-130-2 was his stat line last week and he’s gone 9-190-3 over last two weeks. Dayummmm. With Gronk receiving most of the attention, Dobson is free to work one on one.
Marlon Brown, Baltimore
Brown led the team in targets with 9, and went for 54 yards and two touchdowns against the Browns. He played 55 snaps, compared to Jacoby Jones 41 snaps. Brown is getting the opportunity to produce, and is a nice WR4 option off your bench.
Tim Wright, Tamp Bay
Timmy boy scores again! He’s the next best option after Vincent Jackson in Tampa, and like most low end TE1’s, he will be boom or bust each week. He is a solid streaming option as well.
Hope you enjoyed my poop shenanigans and the waiver wire targets this week. Follow me on twitter, where I pretend I don’t Snap Chat my poops- @EHaleYea