DraftKings NFL: Week 6 Declarations

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It’s inevitable. The only logical step for DraftKings NFL to further progress their product is to develop a scoring system around anthem protests so we have something else to gamble on. I’ll get the model started. Sitting could equal one point. Taking a knee would be awarded two points. Three points for both knees. There could even be bonuses doled out for locking arms, flag burning, wearing ear plugs, and owner participation. This might actually have legs! What’s the over/under on the Cowboys when they come off their bye next week? I think I may need to retain the services of a patent attorney. While I’m working on this new game I guess we’ll just have to settle for the week six slate in order to live my dream of making money by sitting on the couch, and attempting to predict the future outcomes of who scores more touchdowns in a football game–Merica! Before we get to week six, I’d like to take this opportunity to make a Public Service Announcement surrounding the well-being of a certain college football fan base. If you happen to know, or come across any University of Michigan football fans after last week, please be sensitive to the situation, and complete the following steps:

  1. Approach cautiously
  2. Make eye contact
  3. Place a hand on their shoulder
  4. Softly repeat “It’s not your fault”

Don’t be concerned if responses start as violent outbursts, and end with blubbering requests to be held–it’s perfectly normal at this point in the healing process. After all, the revelation of discovering over a cold and rainy four hours that your seventh ranked team in the country isn’t even the best team within a sixty mile radius is devastating psychologically. A child finding their parents engaged in coitus while simultaneously proclaiming there is no Santa Claus is the only experience that could match the trauma of the events that occurred last Saturday night. My PSA is only the beginning. After that, it will take time, and likely several thousand invoices from mental health experts to fully recover. I’m just happy to do my part in the recovery process. Your welcome Michigan Fan!

Finding out Santa doesn't exist can be difficult...

Finding out Santa doesn’t exist can be difficult…

Week 5 Recap

Unfortunately I didn’t have time to make my declarations here last week. Luckily I used my computer phone to document my results to prove I’m not completely useless and full of shit. No real high place finishes, but a profitable day none the less lead by T.Y. Hilton, Antonio Brown, and Zek Elliott. The biggest miss that negated any chance at finishing in the three, and four figure payout ranges was getting a goose egg from Evan Engram in a game where three of the Giants top pass catchers left the game due to injury. Really Evan? Nothing? I can’t help but think the Giants season is the karmic price being paid for Ben McAdoo exposing humanity to his new hair style.

 

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Projected Saints Stack

A Lions defense that had performed above expectation through four games started to show some cracks last week in a 27-24 home loss to the Carolina Panthers. Cam Newton continued what might be a comeback player of the year season throwing for 355 yards and three scores, with a disturbing 175 yards going to Ed Dickson that even earned Edward a youtube montage. With the Lions now without arguably their best defensive lineman this season, and the Saints coming off a bye getting veteran receiver Willie Snead back from suspension, Drew Brees and company should be in a Harvey Weinstein like attack mode Sunday afternoon. As Las Vegas projects this match-up to be the highest scoring contest this week, I will be using plenty Lions and Saints in all my lineups.

Position Player Salary
QB Drew Brees  $      7,200
RB Mark Ingram  $      4,400
RB Alvin Kamara  $      4,500
WR Michael Thomas  $      7,300
WR Willie Snead  $      4,700
WR Brandin Cooks  $      7,600
TE Coby Fleener  $      3,200
FLEX Melvin Gordon  $      7,800
DST Chiefs  $      3,200

Projected Roast Chicken Lineup

Speaking of sexual and violent, look no further than my very affordable roast chicken dish this week. The case could be made that every selection in this lineup has similar ceilings as players priced $7,500 or higher. The switch to Deshaun Watson in Houston has resurrected Texan skill position players from the fantasy dead. Last week, Watson proved his reliability as a fantasy asset by displaying his ability to perform in the most critical of times–garbage time. Those heroic junk touchdowns may have rendered a Texans stack as possibly the most reliable stack week-to-week besides the Pats. With the Browns coming to town this week, Watson and company should be able to make various unwanted sexual advances on a defense that allowed four offensive touchdowns in the first half to the Colts in their last road contest.

Position Player Salary
QB Drew Brees  $      7,200
RB Doug Martin  $      5,800
RB Lamar Miller  $      5,400
WR Davante Adams  $      5,700
WR Will Fuller  $      5,200
WR Terrelle Pryor Sr.  $      5,700
TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins  $      4,300
FLEX Michael Thomas/Devonta Freeman/Jordy Nelson  $      7,300/7,400/7,100
DST Chiefs  $      3,200

Projected Filet Lineup

If I insist on including as much high priced talent as possible in week six, I am in agreement with fellow piggy Kyle Robert in his Josh McCown streaming suggestion in order to free up some extra cash for premium cuts elsewhere. In addition to rolling the dice on McCown, I’ll be deploying this week’s secret weapon in Detroit Lions backup tight end Darren Fells. Former first round pick Eric Ebron’s (taken ahead of OBJ, just sayin) act on and off the field is finally starting to manifest itself in losing snaps. When the Lions had to switch to a pass heavy game plan down three scores in the second half last week, it wasn’t Ebron that received Stat Padford’s two juicy junk touchdowns–it was Fells. The fourth year pro also has the “former college basketball player” factor which logically makes him destined to have a successful career as an NFL tight end starting this week with a breakout performance. The risk is high, but you have to dare to be great in DFS. Roy explains it best below.

Position Player Salary
QB Josh McCown  $      5,200
RB Devonta Freeman  $      7,400
RB Lamar Miller  $      5,400
WR Brandin Cooks  $      7,600
WR DeAndre Hopkins  $      8,100
WR Michael Thomas  $      7,300
TE Coby Fleener  $      3,200
FLEX Darren Fells  $      2,500
DST Chiefs  $      3,200

Too cute?

  • Darren Fells/Michael Roberts $2,500: See above for reasoning. Roberts is the other backup tight end in Detroit that I would not be surprised if he started getting more action this week.

Week 6 Picks

1. Steelers +4.5: This line makes no sense. It actually opened at +3. There is no football reason to think the Steelers cover which is why I’ll just go with Vegas.

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2. 49ers +11: I continue to wonder why a team like Washington is laying 11 points to anybody.

3. Browns +9.5: Seems like a big number to cover for a team that just lost two of their best defensive players.

4. Bucs -1.5: This is more about disliking the Cardinals than liking the Bucs.

5. Pats -9.5: This is just the lazy, hitting the easy button, I don’t want to think anymore play of the week.

 

 

Good Luck in Week 6! Don’t forget to comment, share, and follow me on twitter @realBobbyAdcock.

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